One late night train ride was able to change all of that. People's actions and words stung me so badly that I was seriously considering if it was possible to back out of my decision to stay a third year. They were things that wouldn't have seemed big on the surface possibly. Josh was even surprised about the level of hurt I felt. I'm at a point where I wonder why I bothered. Why I came to a place that's ready to criticize anything I do that's different. A place where I get stared at when I just want to blend in. A place where the language is so difficult for me and a year and half of trying so hard justs earns me jokes that make me want to give it up. Josh accurately described it when he said I was just boiling over. That's exactly what's happening.
I'm sure this will pass. It might have been the culmination of many things, and a few events made everything temporarily terrible. It may be that one night I finally got a dose of that stage 2 culture shock they like to talk about in meetings so much. The only thing I know right now is I want to rewind time. Have you felt this way before when living in a new place? Any advice?