One of the biggest realizations for me though was that the majority of my conversations with people new and old revolve around the status of me and/or the person I am talking to being a foreigner in Japan. I am now defined as a foreigner who lives here. No matter what the topic is, it always turns back into (blank) aspect of life here. What do you do? How long? I like this. I hate this. It's so strange that Japanese people do this. Insert snarky comment here. If I go out with a group of other English teachers, you can bet that it will turn into a session about all the horrible aspects of the Japanese English Educational systems.
I miss meeting new people based more on mutual interests and quirks and less about my geographical location. I miss conversations about books, movies, global events, politics, and exchanging ideas. One of the guys asked me at the party what my "dream" was and while I initially found this awkward, but honestly I'd like this kind of discourse more often. Particularly when trying to meet Japanese people, I only get the standard introduction to a person before they lose interest and move on. I'm more than Judith the American in Osaka.
I understand that when you choose to live abroad, this is a huge change in your life. It's a similarity I share with every expat that lives here and a common thread that binds us together and an easy introduction. Japanese culture is fascinating and I wouldn't live here if I didn't enjoy analyzing it, especially with other people. There are always those who have ideas about this place that surprise me and cause me to rethink conceptions I had about Japan. I have met people here who probably wouldn't have initially given me any notice had we not had this mutual foreignness. There are also people I talk to because of proximity alone. I could write an entire post about friendship dynamics created here, but I'll save that for maybe another time. The main point is I've let myself go. I've let my interests and my desire to find out more about others become more about what country they're from and what they think of crazy Japan. After a year and half of living here, and 5 days of week of broken Japanese/English conversations, I need some stimulation.
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| I'm posting a selfie because I like it and I need a reminder it was warm once upon a time. |
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| I promise my next post will be about beautiful snow. |
That definitely sounds like a frustrating situation. It's hard to deal with making friends out of convenience (for lack of a better word) as opposed to having friends that share your same interests or are good conversationalists. Talking about the same subject over and over again, especially when people are usually complaining about said subject, is not fun, nor is it stimulating in any way. :( Is there a Japanese version of Meetup.com, or something similar...something that would maybe allow you to meet with people who are also in need of great conversation? Just a thought...
ReplyDeleteAlso, the Instagram link just to the right? Following in 3...2...1... :)
K. Nicole
I haven't heard of meet up before. Yay for the follow!
DeleteI think that's more of the issue, I am tired of complaining about Japan. I need more constructive conversations than that especially since I generally enjoy life here.
It's definitely something to look into. There has to be people there who are in the same situation and also want to have conversations devoid of complaining. ;) And thank you for the follow as well! :D
DeleteK. Nicole
YES! There are tons of Japanese meetups! There's a board game one in Kyoto that sounds fun. And an Osaka food party one. And tons of international parties, too, but you might get the typical foreigner in Japan thing going on there. Meetup seems awesome.
DeleteI'm in a cooking club and I'm also in a book club even though I haven't gone yet.
J
I felt like we had some great conversations when I stayed with you! Even if it's hiding right now, there is a clever, funny Judith there. I wouldn't have stuck around if it were otherwise ;)
ReplyDeleteRachel you are one of the bright spots from last year. I know I can talk shit with you :)
DeleteI'm he opposite. I can talk people to death (as long as they aren't a hot girl) but I don't have much opportunity. I've been worked too hard this year though. Haven't gone out much
ReplyDeleteThat guy at the party is actually extremely interesting. In English, he comes off as slightly socially awkward, but he is actually really unique and intelligent. He hardly ever brings up a topic that relates to me being a foreign person, and instead is always trying to start "deep" discussions about philosophy or about controversial issues. Once, we had the coolest talk about feminism and he admitted that a few of his views might be considered sexist. He asked me whether I thought they were, and asked for suggestions on how to reframe his views. It was so cool.
ReplyDeleteAs for small talk, most of the small talk from him centers around how tall he is (ha) and not the usual "can you use chopsticks eat natto" stuff. He doesn't talk about it, but he graduated from Todai (Tokyo University, Japan's ivy league) and was born in Switzerland. Most Todai grads (in my opinion) are sort of socially awkward power-nerds from rich families and that would describe him in a lot of ways, but he's so much more than that.
I was hoping his question at the party didn't come off as judgmental or that he was asking us to justify our reasons for being alive. I think that some people who ask things like "what is your dream?" are condescending but he genuinely is curious about everyone he meets. I also thought your answer was just fine. I'd answer in a similar way.
I'm glad that he didn't intimidate you too much at the party, and I hope that you come to another party at my house someday! The more Japanese people you meet, the less they will seem intimidatingly "cool girl in high school" and that goes doubly as your Japanese improves. Just keep speaking Japanese fearlessly! We're all just people, like the little pasta As and Xs in the alphabet soup are all just letters even though their shapes are slightly different. Dumbest metaphor ever!
If I came off that the question annoyed me, it was unintentional. It was initially a little awkward, but I think that's more because no one has ever really asked me that before. I was more talking about how the conversations with the other non-Japanese were centered on life as a foreigner here and it made me realize almost all of my conversations with other people are about that and I don't only want to know what a person's opinions on the Japanese work environment are. Every time I've met the tall guy, I think he sounds really nice and from you're telling me, he's a good person to know. I can't believe that he went to Todai!
ReplyDeletePlease invite me again. I really like all of your friends :)